Pawprints
by Andrian1
Summary: Hermione receives Sirius' diary. She never knew.


Pawprints

Darkness came swiftly that evening, thanks to the heavy clouds that presented a cold crystalline gift to Hogwarts and the nearby village of Hogsmeade. A gray screech owl tapped on the window of the Head Girl's small bedroom. Hermione Granger put down the book she was reading and walked over to open the window, wondering who was sending her an owl so late. The owl hopped over to her and held out its leg, a square brown package. Opening the package she found a black diary, well worn around the edges and a note.

_Dear Hermione,_

I am sending you Sirius' diary that I found recently hidden beneath a board in Buckbeak's room. I realize that this may seem odd but you will understand soon enough. The pages are hidden behind a charm and I have marked the ones that I thought would be of interest to you. 

I wish to give the diary to Harry the next time I see him however the pages in question are about you. It will be your decision whether you want Harry to read them or not.

The word for the charm to unlock the marked pages is 'pawprints'.

R.J. Lupin  
  
She was very curious. What had Sirius written about her and why? She imagined it was complaints about her attitude towards Kreacher or about how reckless she thought Sirius was. Sitting in a comfortable chair by the fire, she opened the diary to the first page marked. The page was blank. "Pawprints," she whispered, though no one else was in the room.

Words appeared on the page and she began to read…

**July 10th**

It is so good to have the Weasleys at the house. I have been going nutters with only the ghosts of my past echoing around me as I trudge around this prison of a house. George and Fred are most entertaining… 

Today Hermione came to Grimmauld place. I don't know why but for some reason this has made my heart feel lighter. I have always thought the girl to be a very clever witch and she seems much older than her years. Listen to me. I have been alone too long. The only person that would have made me happier to see would have been Harry.

**July 13th  
**  
I am positive that I have gone quite off now. Molly had us cleaning the kitchen today, fussing about the dust and cobwebs. The Weasley twins were levitating buckets of water and sponges to get around the ceiling when George got distracted and the bucket fell right at Hermione. I grabbed her and pulled her out of the way. I am ashamed to admit that I was reluctant to let her go afterwards. She felt so good in my arms, her breast pressed against my right forearm, the smell of lilac in her hair as it tickled my nose. Fuck it all. I am hard up. Must take up Hestia on her offer next time we have a meeting.

**July 22nd**

It is time for me to check into St Mungos. I cannot get the girl off my mind. Of course it didn't help matters that I accidentally, and it was an accident, walked in on her in the bath the other day. She was toweling herself off and I stood like a hormonal teenager who had never seen a naked female, gaping at her. When she finally noticed I was there I adverted my eyes, teased her about locking the door unless she was waiting for one of the Weasley boys, to which I felt a surge of rage and left. Thank Merlin there was a meeting yesterday. It didn't take much to persuade Hestia to spend the night, though I kept seeing a mane of wild bushy hair beneath me. I hope the night of sex will take care of my unseemly thoughts of Hermione.

**August 2nd  
**  
It is so wonderful to have Harry here. He reminds me more and more of James every time I see him. It was worth all the gold in my vault to see him put Molly in her place by asking about Voldemort. I wonder if Molly would chuck me out of my own house if she knew the thoughts I had of Hermione.

**August 31st  
**  
The kids are leaving tomorrow. I plan to go with them no matter what Molly says. Damn insolent woman. I cannot stand the thoughts of the house without Harry and Hermione. Over the past month I have dreamed of her, have thought of kissing that sweet annoying mouth, to hold her nubile body close to mine, to introduce her to the wonders of her body. I wish I could talk this over with someone. Have I became a pedophile, did my mind somehow get warped while in Azkaban? Even Moony, whom I trust more than anyone, I dare not share my feelings with. And it is not just lust. Hestia has been most accommodating in meeting my physical needs. Hermione riles me, yet makes me smiles. Her determination to treat Kreacher like an equal aggravates me to no end, yet I admire her for it. Perhaps if she were seventeen I wouldn't feel so bad about this. But no matter. Though my thoughts are wicked I will never touch her though I long for it with all my heart.

**December 22nd  
**  
She arrived today. Now my Christmas truly is a happy one. I cannot believe that even after these months apart I looked for her as one would a lover. Ah Hermione, if you only knew that I am falling in love with you. I don't even try to make sense of it anymore. You are young enough to be my daughter and will probably fall in love with Ron or Harry. I am sure this will pass and I will love you as I do Harry in time. Although one never knows. When this bloody war is over and when you are an adult, maybe, just maybe I can hold you in my arms.

Tears were falling on the pages as Hermione finished reading the last two entries. They were full of adoration for her, how he thought she was the smartest person for her age, how beautiful he thought she was. Her heart ached as she read the final sentence of the last entry Sirius had written.

**June 15th**

Perhaps this summer I will see her again and shall die a happy man if just for a moment I could kiss those sweet lips.

"Oh Sirius, I didn't know."

It saddened her to read that he was enamored of her, though a shiver of uncertainty ran through her. For all his faults, she had cared for the man very much. Picking up a quill she wrote a note to Lupin.

_Dear Lupin,_

I will be forever grateful that you gave me this opportunity to read this. If it is alright, for now, let this remain our secret.

Hermione.  
  
She tied the package on the leg of the gray screech owl that had been dozing on the dresser. Walking over, she opened the window. She shivered as he watched the owl take flight, wondering if she would ever be warm again.


End file.
